Surrender?

So I had a nice, easy going blog about my recent adventures in Paraguay but then I decided to check out some people's blogs that I hadn't read in awhile. One of the ones I read was The Bradburn family (www.thebradburns.blogspot.com). If you do go there, prepare to cry, be amazed, touched, etc. Theirs is an amazing story of strength and hope. The most recent blog spoke of surrendering. This family is battling every day to beat the cancer that has hit their son. His mom writes of struggling with really, truly surrendering HER will that her son lives for GODS will, whatever that may be. She has chosen God's will.
Just writing that sentence makes me want to cry.
If she can make that choice, how can I sit here and fight God on so many things? Things that do not include giving over the life of my child? As I sit here with no REAL worries, yet worried about so many things. The little things in life that I make into catastrophes in my mind. The things that I need lay down for HIM to handle. Because He can do a much better job than me. But still.......... I struggle to surrender. I struggle to surrender my independence. My work in Paraguay. My future. My relationships. Each day is a new struggle.
But each day, I will choose to surrender.
Our lives are not for ourselves. They're not to make sure that we live every day getting our way, getting what we want. And it's not easy. I'm pretty sure I make my life much harder than it needs to be. Definitely ready to change that.

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in the knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ" Phillipians 1:9-10

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" Luke 9:25

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

Fuggedaboutit...

I think that you can really see a person's character when they get in a tight spot. Whether that's trouble with friends, jobs, finances, whatever the problem. What is your first inclination when something doesn't go as you expect it to? Do you try to find something or someone to place the blame on? Personally, I often go into pity-party-woe-is-me mode. And I have to talk everything out. I think that with all this financial stuff in the US things aren't going the way most people would like them too... Lives so full of panic that we no longer know how to function without it.

There is a whole heck of a lot of stuff in the bible about worrying and times of trouble and trial. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I think that may be one of the hardest things the Bible asks us to do- not worry. I know I fail at it constantly, probably daily. I'm sure there's a statistic somewhere that some smarty-pants somehow discovered that gives us an estimate on how much time- days, weeks, months- we waste worrying throughout our lives. I don't really care to see that number, I already know its big.

How do we solve this giant worry that infects our lives? If only I had an answer for that! The best thing I can come up with is to just forget it. Forget it and remember God. He is a God bigger than our car problems, bigger than our human relationships, bigger than our finances. Heck, He created every single person, animal and piece of nature you can see, and even more than we can imagine that we haven't seen!

Easier said than done...

My biggest worry right now is what to do with my life and finding a job when I get back to the states at the end of July. The END of JULY... FOUR MONTHS and I'm already in pre-panic mode. Hidden fairly well, but oh its there. So here's my plan/hope/prayer. I'm not going to worry about it. When I start freaking out- that's my cue to fall on my face and pray. I'm fairly certain my life will be one giant prayer for the next little while but I hardly think that's a bad thing! It's a giant, and incredibly difficult, leap of faith for anyone trying to just let go. And I can't expect things to go the way I want them to... they rarely do... when I stop relying on myself they usually turn out better. :)


Here are some other verses I found that talk about trials:

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. Phillipians 4:6


I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalms 34:4

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. Psalms 118:13

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. Romans 5:3-5

Semana Santa

So this past week was Semana Santa, aka Holy Week, which means time for a week long break! Some schools actually even get 2 weeks. Not us though. :) The first part was very low key for me, I went to dinner with some people and we tried to go see a movie but we got there too late. Generally just a lay-around-and-do-nothing kind of thing. But Wednesday morning at 3am- no, that is NOT a type- I left with Andrea, her husband Charli, their son Thiago, and her mom Sara, to Ciudad del Este. It's a border town about 5 hours from Asuncion, where there is plenty of black market goods and a terrorist training camp (WHAT.) It's also 20 minutes from Brazil and Iguazu Falls. The Falls are one of the new 7 natural wonders of the world, and they completely deserve that title. They were AMAZING. Absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. I only wish there were less people there so I could have enjoyed them more than trying to fight against people. But it was fabulous! We also did some shopping and visited Itaipu, which is apparently one of the 7 wonders of the modern world. So many wonders in that neck of the woods... Itaipu is the world's largest hydroelectric hydroplant in operation today. It's pretty amazing, we went on a tour during the day then saw it lit up at night- which was surprisingly beatiful. I am currently downloading the 210 pictures that I took to my computer and will post some below! But I know they won't do these places justice... We went to the Guarani museum and the zoo, and hit up some awesome grocery stores- yes, I said grocery stores! Brazil has food in their grocery stores that Paraguay couldn't even IMAGINE. I bought twix and gatorade and nutella and M&Ms. Ahhhhhh American goodness.

Overall, a great trip and I spent about the same there in 3 days as I do here in 3 weeks. Hm. So worth it though...

Iguazu Falls:

Itaipu:

Recent Adventures- Abridged version

Well last week I, Emily Elizabeth Milner, was a 6th grade field trip chaperone. Lord, help them. And me. But it turned out to be a lot of fun! My group kept running away, but we saw some fun stuff! Here is a picture of my group (count 'em- all 6 at once!) at the first train station in South America, and a picture of a plaque given to Paraguay by the US (woot!) that is hanging with maaaany other plaques in the Parthenon.

Here you have the return of the famous Sue Givens, the director of Escuela Nuevo Horizonte, the school that I'm working at. They had a surprise program for her the day after she got back, and one of the classes had her help them with a traditional Paraguayan dance. Precious.

And HERE is Andrea's, one of the secretaries and a good friend, idea of a good time. If you aren't already aware, I have a deep, intense love of Guacamole- a type of food that is completely foreign to Paraguay. I find it sad and they find it hilarious that I am slightly obsessed with this food that sounds so disgusting to them. Another teacher at the school, Margarita, brought me an avocado from a tree at her house and when I walked into the office that afternoon Andrea had dressed it all up. And yes, I sang "Guacamole...mole...mole" to them several times.

Here is Margarita and I at one of the student's quincineras. Turning 15 in Latin America is a very big deal, kind of similar to a sweet 16 in the states. They served dinner and had music and it was a lot of fun! I think this one was pretty calm compared to most I've heard about. TONS of people, dancing until 2am. This party was pretty tranquil in comparison, but still great! :)